Here's one of the two of us In 1954 don't laugh I keep all of the pictures Are you going to take a photograph Here's something nice for you A dear old thing came to a show Last time here we did An interview on local radio Make yourself at home my darling Come on in Hand me down that jar love Can I offer you a gin We're proud to be the oldest Ugly sisters in variety There's not the glamour now You see what happened to society There's another light bulb gone They don't all answer to the switch I don't know how we carry on And her she couldn't care the bitch But in a while the old boys In the band begin to play And in a while the houselights And the curtains slide away And something's going to happen To make your whole life better Your whole life better one day Something's going to happen To make your whole life better Your whole life better one day Now the landlady's all squared away It's just a temporary deal I'm afraid tonight it's take-away You see there is no evening meal Don't worry dear you shall go to the ball I think the fairy said These suitcases have seen it all From under someone else's bed You want to smile those tears away Now don't you cry You want to know what I say I say never say die 'Cos something's going to happen To make your whole life better Your whole life better one day Something's going to happen To make your whole life better Your whole life better one day