When Tom came home his hair was combed He bought snakeskin boots in Rome That's not like him His socks are clean his shirt is pressed It isn't just the way he's dressed He smiles out of context and acts so polite He's staying at his cousin's overnight The protein shakes that's not like him The carrot cakes that's not like him The oatbran flakes that's not like him And the sweet name he called me in his sleep last night Oh, that's not like him He whispers on the telephone He goes out smelling of cologne That's not like him It's just a superficial thing But he's misplaced his wedding ring He's become quite a connoisseur of wine He's quoting Yeats and Gertrude Stein The Soho pub that's not like him The racquet club that's not like him Those books on love that's not like him And the sweet name he called me in his sleep last night Oh, that's not like him I caught a glimpse of Tom today At a checkout counter about to pay He had a girl on his arm I'm glad he's helping out the poor It's not like the Tom I knew before Something so touching it made me cry But my heart was racing I don't know why Those new blue suede shoes that's not like him The Ray Ban shades that's not like him Those downtown ways that's not like him And the sweet name he called me in his sleep last night Oh, that's not like him The red suspenders that's not like him The berries in the blender that's not like him Those twelve step groups that's not like him And Guadeloupe that's not like him Those books on Zen that's not like him The Karate classes that's not like him The fishing gear that's not like him Not like him That's not like him